It’s The Final Countdown!

We finally have a date! I will be having a scheduled C-section on Friday, May 28, that is 30 days from today to be exact. One of the twins is breech and hasn’t moved from his comfortable spot for several weeks now. He could always flip at the last minute, but my intuition is telling me that he is enjoying his piece of real estate a little too much to make the journey. He is technically “Twin B” but has pushed his brother “Twin A” out of the way so he is now presenting first.

How am I feeling? Well, honestly it depends on the hour. Two weeks ago I felt amazing and still had a ton of energy, then week 32 hit and I haven’t been the same since. Even the smallest chores have been wiping me out lately. I’m definitely tiring out a lot easier. I have a list of projects that I want to do before the boys arrive and I have all the motivation in the world when I start, but about 20 minutes later I find myself needing to take a rest which then leads to a two hour nap. The struggle is real. I can’t believe the difference a week has made. Of course, because it has come on so suddenly I can’t help myself but think “am I this tired because of the pregnancy or is this MS rearing its ugly head?” I promise though, I have been doing a whole hell of a lot better in not letting this diagnosis consume me like it did when I first found out about it. There are actually some days when I “forget” I even have Multiple Sclerosis and am only reminded of it because I see a post from one of the MS Instagram accounts I follow. Even though it hasn’t been in the forefront of my thoughts lately, I can feel the anxiousness about it starting to slowly creep back up again, which is probably why I felt it was time to write another blog. I can’t contribute the anxiety to one specific thing, I think it’s a multitude of reasons. As the pregnancy progresses I am definitely feeling more “off” and tired than I did before. I am also anxious about speaking with the anesthesiologist and them being able to do a spinal block for the C-Section without me having had an MRI on my spine yet. Furthermore, once the boys are here I am at a greater risk for a flare up again and need to start focusing on my treatment for this disease. In other words, as I get closer to the end of the pregnancy, all the things that I will be having to encounter and deal with (besides snuggling and taking care of our two little ones) is starting to hit me and feel more real. With all that being said, I really am trying my best to just focus on the here and now, of course sometimes that is easier said than done. A couple of weeks ago, I also got invited to a virtual MS Conference through my doctor’s office for patients and caretakers which I got to participate in. It was very informative and I learned a lot, but it also might be another reason I’ve been thinking about MS more lately. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

Besides being physically tired, I am also fed up with all the doctor’s appointments every week. The silver lining in it all, is that they are keeping a watchful eye on me and the twins which is a good thing, albeit sometimes a pain. It still hasn’t fully hit me that the boys will be here before we know it and in a few short weeks we will quickly become a family of five.

Another exciting piece of news I have to share since my last blog, is that after going back and forth for months, I am now fully vaccinated against COVID-19 thanks to Johnson and Johnson. I did not come to this decision lightly, and don’t know what it could mean for us years down the road, but I made the best educated decision I could for both the boys and me after talking to my MS and Maternal Fetal Medicine doctors. Don’t get me wrong, I am not naïve, I know that this shot does not protect me 100% percent from getting COVID-19; however, I do believe if I do get it, it will keep me out of the hospital and the morgue. I know if I didn’t get this shot and got COVID-19 it would not be a good thing, so it has definitely given me a little more peace of mind and hopefully some of the antibodies were passed on to the twins. Twelve hours after the shot I had a mild fever, aches, was tired and had a sore arm. However, after a good nights rest and some Tylenol all of my symptoms pretty much disappeared except still feeling a little fatigued and sore, but those quickly dissipated in the next day or two as well. Of course, I received the shot on a Friday and that following Tuesday to my surprise they pulled the J&J vaccine after reports of 6 women developing blood clots. If you’ve been following my blog posts, you won’t be surprised when I tell you I was definitely stressed and my health anxiety was ramped up when this news came out. I am happy to report that I am well out of the 6-13 day window that patients had developed these rare clots and the J&J vaccine has now been given the greenlight again to be distributed.

But I did have to keep telling myself, “there’s nothing I can do about it now and everything we do in life has a calculated risk.” Getting a vaccine, driving in a car, having babies, deciding whether or not to take DMTs for Multiple Sclerosis and even walking across the street all have some sort of risk associated with them. I don’t know about you, but I would rather keep taking these calculated risks and deal with whatever comes head on instead of staying at home watching life pass me by and wonder where the hell did the time go. We only get one life, so my advice is to get off your phone and get off your ass, and go enjoy it while you still can! Don’t wait for a life altering diagnosis to make you realize how precious life really is because we never know when our countdown will end.

Be Well – Be Happy – Be Kind- Be Present

-Ms. Meant To Be